DAMN!

It's been a long time now. I am not sure whether to blog here or in Friendster now. The boring part about Friendster is, you can't do much to the outlay

Oh well, I will have to dream it all tonight.

Toodles!

Interesting :)

Hehehe, someone gave me this article about love in my Yahoo! Messenger today. It is all about LOVE... NO, NOT IN THE ASHLEE SIMPSON SENSE! THAT IS JUST STUPID!! AND ANNOYING!!

I think, I should just put it here :)

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defences, you build up a whole suit of armour, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life ...

You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostage. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you- and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love. (my favourite quote from Sandman by Neil Gaiman!)

OUCH! This passage is from Neil Gaiman, the English-born American novelist, screenwriter and children’s book author.Love or shattered love both evoke strong emotions and reactions. Those who were young once can empathise with Gaiman’s spurned lover for surely, like most teenagers, they, too, went through such heartbreak.

It’s like this. When you are in love, nothing can go wrong. The freckles on your loved one’s face "add to her striking looks" and the wispy moustache on his face "makes him look macho".

But when love turns sour, the "freckles and all" bother you. When love goes bad, that wispy moustache, actually, makes him a wimp.

Strange thing, love. It’s understandable why Gaiman hates it so much.

Some time ago, Donny Osmond’s song Puppy Love was the favourite tune of many a teenager. Osmond mirrored the views of teenagers then — and now — when he sang that the elders don’t really understand.

And they called it puppy love
Oh, I guess
They’ll never know
How a young heart really feels
And why I love her so
And they called it puppy love
Just because we’rein our teens
Tell them all it isn’t fair
To take away my only dream

That is just part of it :D Read more in the link I gave earlier on.

Anyway, recently, I have been watching National Treasure and The Librarian. I realised one thing... I am an ADVENTURE NUT! XD I don't know why. But I feel like watching Indiana Jones! :D

More later!

New Outlay! I NEED IT!

I NEED A NEW OUTLAY!

I NEED SOMETHING ORIGINAL!

ARGH!

It Breaks My Heart :(

Maman and I spoke on the phone last night. He wanted me to listen to Iris by Awie. I told him honestly, that I wasn't interested but then, he insisted that I do.

"Iris" - Awie

Kau masih ku cintai, sungguh
Dari awal dulu hingga hari ini
Aku pasti seyakinnya pasti
Kau lah satu untuk ku

Kau masih Dewi hatiku, sungguh
Biar sejuta tahun hilang di hari
Usah gusar sayang usah ragu
Aku milikmu

(Korus)
Cinta ku jika kau tanya pada bintang
Gemilauan sinar tak kan hilang
Akan aku sinari duniamu
Moga terpadam sangsi mu oh

Cintaku jika kau lihat tingginya awan
Tak kan tercakar tinggi cintaku
Hanya hati ku tahu apa mahuku
Kan dunia ku pastinya milikmu
Hingga ke akhir hayatku

(Ulang korus)

Kau masih ku cintai, sungguh
Dari hari pertama kau ku nikahi
Aku pasti seyakinya pasti
Engkau milik ku

Hmmmm....... I am bored actually. I have been in PGX since I came online. I have been on MIRC since I got online. I am bored.

Gotta roll out now. BORED!

~The Return of Fireball 1988~

I finally found a Mowe's blog. Well, beside those I already know :D Here it is...

Maxine's Blog

Anyway, I am just glad, I am apart of a big family. I have always known I had relatives outside the Malaysian boundaries.

My first memory was from dear Aunty Gerd from Norway.

The year was 1988... I was only 4 years old. And at that time we were living at Sunrise Park. At that time she was 68 years old. Because of her stay with us in that little house, I became very attached to her. The best memory of all was when she started nicknaming me *Fireball.

(*Fireball is the name of the Japanese guy in Saber Rider - some 1980s anime :D)

We shared the same room when Aunty Gerd came in 1988. Although, I was too young to remember but the only thing that I clearly remembered was, she was VERY LOVEABLE! Just like cousin Kjellan said, "She is a very loveable lady, you will love her." As a matter of fact, yes, I do love her. She is nice and gently.

YET..............................

When my Mum went to Norway a few years back with my Dad, my Mum came back with the most painful message ever, "Tell Fireball, I won't live long enough go back to Kuching..." That remark brought frustrations to me. I didn't know whether to cry or to just sit there like some empty soul. Everytime, I searched for Saber Rider on the internet, the thought of Aunty Gerd will come to mind.

However, this year (2006), the NEXT best thing came. I met Aunty Gerd's son, Kjellan and daughter, Solveig. My Mum organized what is the first in the world, a convention of family members from all over the world. It was called the Mowe Convention. We had relatives coming from Norway, Singapore, Australia, New Zealand and even West Malaysia to come for the convention. It was great big family gathering actually.

Now, at this convention, most of the Norweigens knew me as ONE NAME. Fireball. Then, it occured to me that Aunty Gerd had spoken a lot about me. Kjellan told me the same thing. I felt happy. But, at the same time, I was sad. I wanted so bad to see Aunty Gerd. Now, I realised, each time I see Kjellan, I cried because when I look at him, I think of her. Within that short number of days, we became close. Whenever I hugged Kjellan, I would cry. What made matters worst, was the promise we made. "Promise me when you go to Norway, you MUST see my mother." The smile on his face was pleasant. I felt warm and yes, tears rolled down my cheeks like it will never stop flowing. Half the time, I was speechless. But, all I knew, I felt warm inside.

How did our family expend to a global scale? Many thanks to our ancestor, Shaliong Mowe. Based on some research, Great great grandfather Shaliong, was the Rajah's butler. And how did we get family in Norway? Well, one of my great grandfather sailed on a boat to Norway. And during that 3 years at sea, he had children. We are so scattered that I believe we have other Mowes at other places. I wish I knew better of the Mowe history! But what I know for sure, great grandaunty Lucy had a bible with Lord Chambers' handwriting in it!

Seriously, now, I don't really know what to blog about. *lol* I am not being forgetful but then, I am being lazy! And when I do feel like blogging, there is always something that holds me down!

So, guess here I shall stop! :D

~Jezsiema~

Due to My Snoozing Brain

I absolutely love this song. This is the chance to share it :D

COLD by CROSSFADE

:D

Deep meaning. I am still looking for the perfect skin. I have been LAZY to make my own lately. I feel bored! DAMN BORED!

What The -?

When I think of what I want to blog about.

Of all things...

I FORGET! -_-"

Gotta go now.

:(

It's Been A While....?

It's been a while. Hehe.

Oh well, what have I been doing? I have been super busy!

Bored to death and BLOGGERS blog.

~jezsiema~

Yet Another Cool Bro!

Click here to his blog... HERE!

Hehe...

This is the one person who I always go to online when I am in a bad mood or when I am in a good mood. He always make me laugh. He NEVER fails at it, though!

He always have these weird things to talk about and I find it very entertaining. He is cool!

Gosh, I will need more time to blog about Nick. Hehe! Or Destiny!

I need to pack now.....

~Jezsiema

Lost?

Promises? MEANT TO BE BROKEN!

This will be a shameless blog entry. Mbok Zizah... you are going to lose me again. And this time is on my own accord and... go figure!

But I don't know if she bothers. Why? I have a replacement! :) *what an insincere smile* Oh well. For the time being, I don't know and I seriously DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE.

HUARGH!!!

Hey, this goes for a song (or two)! :) Muehehehe!

PIECES
(Sum 41)

I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don't believe it makes me real
I'd thought it'd be easy
But no on believes me
I meant all the things that I said

If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don't know how it got so bad
Sometimes it's so crazy that nothing could save me
But it's the only thing that I have

If you believe it’s in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own

I tried to be perfect
It just wasn't worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It's hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along

If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own

Heck, that lyrics! It is based on my life! Haha! Well, I think that is the way it all should be. Well, there is another one which has got some significance in my life.

Unstable
(Adema)

I wanted to know
Who you really are
I needed the chance
To stitch up my scars

I'm closer to you
Than I was in the start
So dive right in
And tear me apart

I'm trapped
And we can't get along
I thought that I was strong
We are so unstable

And then I'm strung out from your touch
But I won't give you up
We are so unstable

I wanted to learn
About the dark side of you
You bring me down
Like a bottle of pills I hate the way
That you make me feel
I keep coming back
I never get you

Heck! There I have it. I think I better log out now. I want to pack! I am kinda glad I am getting away from people who think that they are mature when they are not. They are at the same level as me.

Somehow, I may look defeated but I am NOT defeated... I did my sacrifice on my own accord. Some other people will sacrifice due to losing... Oh well... Don't give a shit...

Sayonara~!

~Jezsiema

~Of A Cool Brother~

Hmm... Before the rantings about SPOILT BRATS... I was chatting with the coolest brother I had ever had!

He somehow opened my eyes which was watery with anger and hatred to a higher and mature level!

He was telling me to relax half the time I was ranting, bitching and whining over the whole mother fucking situation!

Then something this cool bro of mine told me which opened up my eyes and I wish would opened theirs! "You cannot satisfy a person's every needs!" Damn, it is true. Yes. Those words were the ONLY flicker of hope I have now. If a bitch like me can realise that... question is... why can't they?

Sad, ain't it? Gosh people, GROW UP! I wish I had the ability to show people that I am human. NOT A MIRACLE WHERE I CAN DO EVERYTHING! HELLO, I AM NOT PERFECT! ARE YOU?

Anyway, about this brother of mine, he is cool because he has a hell lot of experience in life. He has met all sort of stupid and intelligent characters. He knows how to go through, thus advicing me through his experiences. He did mention about different people, different within the heart. I honestly told him that I trusted him more than I trusted SOME people! WHICH IS TRUE BECAUSE I KNOW HE TELLS ME SO MANY THINGS I HAVE OVERLOOKED! He was trying to be positive but then with my violent moodswing... I don't think it was relevant. I can see.

(NOTE: I have been in a nasty violent mood also due to getting conquered by Japan (AT LAST!) after 4 months!)

This cool bro of mine well... just like me has a temper (as he himself confessed) but then, I am sure by being an older brother to me, he wants me to keep my head calm at all times. That is not being a hypocrite... that is being concerned... and I loved him for that reason. He taught me so many unexpected things about life and I learnt from that. He is so humane although I know he is misunderstood... to a certain extend... he reminds me of me... MISUNDERSTOOD... oh well, Bro... if you are reading this... thank you for the advice this evening. I really appreciate it. Yet, deep down inside of me... no matter how disappointed and angry I am with them, I pray that someday they will realise... I am only human and I cannot satisfy their EVERY needs...

Thank you, Bro...

~Jezsiema